Someone said to me this week “sometimes abandoning your child is the greatest act of love,” about a child named Kamo, who was neglected and then abandoned six years ago and just returned to the mother who left him, right as he nears the end of his life. It’s a notion I’ve wondered on sinceContinueContinue reading “for Kamo”
Tag Archives: children
Things That Appear Broken But Upon Closer Inspection Are Beautiful
In the midst of many movements, physical and figurative and of the soul, words I once wrote have a way of coming back around: 11 November 2014 Things That Appear Broken But Upon Closer Inspection Are Beautiful A slight glint of the equator peeks through the rust on the dilapidated gurney. Soft eyelashes continuing toContinueContinue reading “Things That Appear Broken But Upon Closer Inspection Are Beautiful”
For K
Here you are, a nine-year-old sex worker in the walmart parking lot. Here you are, in a sequined red shirt — flimsy, translucent, bare-ly hiding the chest you aren’t old enough to grow. Here you are, nine years old. You are nine years old. Once, in that sheltered place, bumbling through heart and soul onContinueContinue reading “For K”
What of mournings
I wrote this poem on September 8, 2015, six days after Aylan Kurdi died during his family’s flight across the Aegean Sea, and photos of his body opened the world’s eyes, sparking ‘this suffering must stop’ statements:
What of mournings
i
Do you think he was afraid?
Or maybe…
One Year Has Now Passed: A Letter to Moses
Moses, on this day, I don’t know where or how you are, but I do know that after having lived the extraordinary honor of being a mama to you, I am now grateful to carry you, carry your joy and your resilience, carry the sincerity of your smile and the light of your little life, with me as I fiercely love this world, so that all whose paths may cross mine might be graced with some small sense of what it is to have loved and been loved by you.
That is Something
I have witnessed suffering. I have seen horrible things. I have watched indescribable pain. I turned around; there two babies lay next to one another on the bed, silenced by pain, save for slight mewing. Their bandages were removed and I glanced twice, three times, four before I could comprehend what was missing: their tinyContinueContinue reading “That is Something”
what to do with it
I’m horrible at being a researcher. I’m not actually horrible; I listen well during interviews and ask follow up questions and pay attention and write detailed field notes and, when I don’t procrastinate, I can transcribe an interview like nobody’s business. But when I’m on the wards with the child life health workers, in theContinueContinue reading “what to do with it”
giving and living love
Someone who I deeply respect told me yesterday that after many years of searching, he had finally decided to throw away all of his beliefs but one: that god is a verb, not a noun, and that that verb is love. What I’ve learned this summer is how to give and live love with allContinueContinue reading “giving and living love”
a heavy heart desperate to return
Sometimes it feels overwhelming. Sometimes you can’t get the memory of that boy out of your head, his small body, which in mind is not so young, limp and alone in that dark room. Sometimes you cry for the wonderful giggling and sweet little girls who you laughed with as you realize how much theirContinueContinue reading “a heavy heart desperate to return”
sustaining compassion
compassion, huruma n. – sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it It is not that I must sustain my compassion. It is that my compassion sustains me. I often give myself mantras during different periods of my life when I need something particular to give me strength, give me guidance,ContinueContinue reading “sustaining compassion”
dear moses, you may not know it, but
June 2021 amendment: these were my true feelings at the time that I wrote this. I have since reflected, learned, and held myself to account for what I didn’t know then, and what I chose not to know then. You can read that truth here. Dear Moses, you may not know it, but I’m leavingContinueContinue reading “dear moses, you may not know it, but”
working hard
Today I was asked if I did anything good with the day or if I ‘just worked’. I work hard here. “Weekends” aren’t a readily available term in my vocabulary. Friday night is not indicative of any certain activity, behavior, or lack of thoughtfulness. I work hard. I work every day. Saturday and Sunday areContinueContinue reading “working hard”
surrounded by suffering
Some jumbled thoughts on living my days here surrounded by suffering: Throughout much of my time in Kenya, I feel as if suffering surrounds me. Throughout all of my time in the hospital, I feel as if suffering surrounds me. That’s not to say that suffering is all that surrounds me. There is also suchContinueContinue reading “surrounded by suffering”
moses
June 2021 amendment: these were my true feelings at the time that I wrote this. I have since reflected, learned, and held myself to account for what I didn’t know then, and what I chose not to know then. You can read that truth here. Moses. The reason I looked up ‘kwashiorkor prognosis’ on GoogleContinueContinue reading “moses”
callie daniels-howell 