I’m horrible at being a researcher. I’m not actually horrible; I listen well during interviews and ask follow up questions and pay attention and write detailed field notes and, when I don’t procrastinate, I can transcribe an interview like nobody’s business. But when I’m on the wards with the child life health workers, in theContinueContinue reading “what to do with it”
Category Archives: tafakari
giving and living love
Someone who I deeply respect told me yesterday that after many years of searching, he had finally decided to throw away all of his beliefs but one: that god is a verb, not a noun, and that that verb is love. What I’ve learned this summer is how to give and live love with allContinueContinue reading “giving and living love”
a heavy heart desperate to return
Sometimes it feels overwhelming. Sometimes you can’t get the memory of that boy out of your head, his small body, which in mind is not so young, limp and alone in that dark room. Sometimes you cry for the wonderful giggling and sweet little girls who you laughed with as you realize how much theirContinueContinue reading “a heavy heart desperate to return”
hellos and goodbyes
A close friend sent me these words from Dr. Miriam Adeney yesterday, saying they reminded her of me: “You will never be completely at home again because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” ThisContinueContinue reading “hellos and goodbyes”
sustaining compassion
compassion, huruma n. – sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it It is not that I must sustain my compassion. It is that my compassion sustains me. I often give myself mantras during different periods of my life when I need something particular to give me strength, give me guidance,ContinueContinue reading “sustaining compassion”
dear moses, you may not know it, but
June 2021 amendment: these were my true feelings at the time that I wrote this. I have since reflected, learned, and held myself to account for what I didn’t know then, and what I chose not to know then. You can read that truth here. Dear Moses, you may not know it, but I’m leavingContinueContinue reading “dear moses, you may not know it, but”
working hard
Today I was asked if I did anything good with the day or if I ‘just worked’. I work hard here. “Weekends” aren’t a readily available term in my vocabulary. Friday night is not indicative of any certain activity, behavior, or lack of thoughtfulness. I work hard. I work every day. Saturday and Sunday areContinueContinue reading “working hard”
surrounded by suffering
Some jumbled thoughts on living my days here surrounded by suffering: Throughout much of my time in Kenya, I feel as if suffering surrounds me. Throughout all of my time in the hospital, I feel as if suffering surrounds me. That’s not to say that suffering is all that surrounds me. There is also suchContinueContinue reading “surrounded by suffering”
moses
June 2021 amendment: these were my true feelings at the time that I wrote this. I have since reflected, learned, and held myself to account for what I didn’t know then, and what I chose not to know then. You can read that truth here. Moses. The reason I looked up ‘kwashiorkor prognosis’ on GoogleContinueContinue reading “moses”
inadequacy
I sat with two Americans who are working for the Umoja Project and living in the village for some weeks this summer and reflected on life and living in Kenya, future goals, and current struggles. One said she’s always had a passion for living and working abroad, but then she goes somewhere, like being inContinueContinue reading “inadequacy”
translating care
I’ve been considering prayer. In the past week, I walked kilometer after kilometer over red dirt roads, muddy footpaths, rocky hills, grassy plains, splashing puddles, cracked earth, and over the thresholds of the homes of fifteen of the orphans and vulnerable children, specifically those living in child-headed households, that the Umoja Project supports. And asContinueContinue reading “translating care”
1 week
32 hours of flying. 1 happy tear. 100 (ish) kilometers walked. 26 pieces of white bread. 1100 ml of warm soda. 17 home visits. 33 student interviews. 1 host mama. 4 frigid bucket baths. 13 cups of tea. 2 rainfalls. 3 of 4 Friends episodes watched. 19 bottles of water. 4 avocadoes. 1 package ofContinueContinue reading “1 week”
an ode to my suitcase:
As I pulled out my suitcase yesterday and began to fill it for my upcoming travel to Kenya on Saturday, I thought about all the places we have been together. Together, we have made five trips to four countries in four years. It’s safe to say I’m in love with my suitcase. Not only isContinueContinue reading “an ode to my suitcase:”
fear
I’ve been thinking about fear. I’ve felt fear in my life. I’ve felt true, full-bodied fear. The day of September 11th, as a confused 8-year-old questioning if Indianapolis was going to be attacked next. Sliding on icy roads with children in my car. The first time I went to visit a child in the ICUContinueContinue reading “fear”
twenty-one
Two days ago, I celebrated my twenty-first birthday. As I am known to do, I took the opportunity to reflect on life and self and soul and where I’ve been and where I’m going. Over this glorious birthday weekend at Bass Lake, one of my favorite places in the world, I slowly wrote twenty oneContinueContinue reading “twenty-one”
lists
It’s been one month and twenty-five days since I left Senegal. It’s been one month and eleven days since I returned to the United States. It’s been two weeks and two days since I’ve been back at Kalamazoo. I have felt amid a whirlwind of transitions. Sometimes scary, sometimes sad, mostly exciting, all challenging inContinueContinue reading “lists”
inconclusive
A week and some odd minutes ago, I was landing at Indianapolis International Airport, walking through the same entrance terminal to terminal B that I walked through 6 months previously, that time ‘departures’ this time ‘arrivals’. Since then I have filled my days with pots and pots of coffee, chunky sweaters and wool socks, naturallyContinueContinue reading “inconclusive”
dear senegal, jērejēf
Dear Senegal, Jērejēf. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me gratitude. Thank you for showing me out of the dimness of pity, frustration, and dis-satisfaction and toward the light of looking around the world in gratitude. Thank you for the multitude of thankfulness lists I learned and was given space to write and for theContinueContinue reading “dear senegal, jērejēf”
the sun it rises, the sun it sets
Today, I am sick. Today, I am stressed. Today, I am a ball of emotions which fleet through my mind and heart a mile a minute. And so when I got home today after a coffee-fueled afternoon of paper writing and apartment scrambling, I could have just gone to bed and taken a nap. ButContinueContinue reading “the sun it rises, the sun it sets”
3/4 joyous uncertainty
When I consider my life in Senegal overall, it can essentially be divided into fourths: – ¼ part: deep, personal, growing, reflective, change-the-way-you-approach-every-day life moments which from moment to moment big and small can be both entirely challenging and entirely enlivening and of which I write and speak often. – ¾ part: moments where youContinueContinue reading “3/4 joyous uncertainty”
callie daniels-howell 