poetry

This trimester, in addition to writing my senior thesis on the intersections of compassion and poverty in care for ill and dying children in Kenya, in addition to transitioning back into life away from Kenya, in addition to learning how to walk peacefully through life's unexpected gusts of wind, I am taking a creative writingContinue reading "poetry"

365 days full

Recently, a friend who also writes, and who has also had a year of seeing life through broadening lenses, reflected on the past twelve months of learning and discovery in pictures. As many words often do, it spurred my own thoughts, caused me to look through delightful photo memories, moved me share. A year agoContinue reading "365 days full"

just like that, it’s time

Written 7 August 2014 Take it as it exists before you. Take the sun as it rises before you, not some other view. Take the coffee as it sits before you, not some newly fresh, attempting to be perfected pot. Take the child as it laughs before you, not some dream of where their lifeContinue reading "just like that, it’s time"

what to do with it

I’m horrible at being a researcher. I’m not actually horrible; I listen well during interviews and ask follow up questions and pay attention and write detailed field notes and, when I don’t procrastinate, I can transcribe an interview like nobody’s business. But when I’m on the wards with the child life health workers, in theContinue reading "what to do with it"

giving and living love

Someone who I deeply respect told me yesterday that after many years of searching, he had finally decided to throw away all of his beliefs but one: that god is a verb, not a noun, and that that verb is love. What I’ve learned this summer is how to give and live love with allContinue reading "giving and living love"

a heavy heart desperate to return

Sometimes it feels overwhelming. Sometimes you can’t get the memory of that boy out of your head, his small body, which in mind is not so young, limp and alone in that dark room. Sometimes you cry for the wonderful giggling and sweet little girls who you laughed with as you realize how much theirContinue reading "a heavy heart desperate to return"

hellos and goodbyes

A close friend sent me these words from Dr. Miriam Adeney yesterday, saying they reminded her of me: “You will never be completely at home again because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” ThisContinue reading "hellos and goodbyes"

sustaining compassion

compassion, huruma n. - sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it It is not that I must sustain my compassion. It is that my compassion sustains me. I often give myself mantras during different periods of my life when I need something particular to give me strength, give me guidance,Continue reading "sustaining compassion"

dear moses, you may not know it, but

June 2021 amendment: these were my true feelings at the time that I wrote this. I have since reflected, learned, and held myself to account for what I didn't know then, and what I chose not to know then. You can read that truth here. Dear Moses, you may not know it, but I’m leavingContinue reading "dear moses, you may not know it, but"

working hard

Today I was asked if I did anything good with the day or if I ‘just worked’. I work hard here. “Weekends” aren’t a readily available term in my vocabulary. Friday night is not indicative of any certain activity, behavior, or lack of thoughtfulness. I work hard. I work every day. Saturday and Sunday areContinue reading "working hard"

surrounded by suffering

Some jumbled thoughts on living my days here surrounded by suffering: Throughout much of my time in Kenya, I feel as if suffering surrounds me. Throughout all of my time in the hospital, I feel as if suffering surrounds me. That’s not to say that suffering is all that surrounds me. There is also suchContinue reading "surrounded by suffering"

moses

June 2021 amendment: these were my true feelings at the time that I wrote this. I have since reflected, learned, and held myself to account for what I didn't know then, and what I chose not to know then. You can read that truth here. Moses. The reason I looked up ‘kwashiorkor prognosis’ on GoogleContinue reading "moses"

inadequacy

I sat with two Americans who are working for the Umoja Project and living in the village for some weeks this summer and reflected on life and living in Kenya, future goals, and current struggles. One said she’s always had a passion for living and working abroad, but then she goes somewhere, like being inContinue reading "inadequacy"

translating care

I’ve been considering prayer. In the past week, I walked kilometer after kilometer over red dirt roads, muddy footpaths, rocky hills, grassy plains, splashing puddles, cracked earth, and over the thresholds of the homes of fifteen of the orphans and vulnerable children, specifically those living in child-headed households, that the Umoja Project supports. And asContinue reading "translating care"

an ode to my suitcase:

As I pulled out my suitcase yesterday and began to fill it for my upcoming travel to Kenya on Saturday, I thought about all the places we have been together.  Together, we have made five trips to four countries in four years.  It's safe to say I'm in love with my suitcase. Not only isContinue reading "an ode to my suitcase:"

fear

I’ve been thinking about fear. I’ve felt fear in my life. I’ve felt true, full-bodied fear. The day of September 11th, as a confused 8-year-old questioning if Indianapolis was going to be attacked next. Sliding on icy roads with children in my car. The first time I went to visit a child in the ICUContinue reading "fear"

twenty-one

Two days ago, I celebrated my twenty-first birthday. As I am known to do, I took the opportunity to reflect on life and self and soul and where I’ve been and where I’m going. Over this glorious birthday weekend at Bass Lake, one of my favorite places in the world, I slowly wrote twenty oneContinue reading "twenty-one"

lists

It’s been one month and twenty-five days since I left Senegal. It’s been one month and eleven days since I returned to the United States. It’s been two weeks and two days since I’ve been back at Kalamazoo. I have felt amid a whirlwind of transitions. Sometimes scary, sometimes sad, mostly exciting, all challenging inContinue reading "lists"