So, here’s something. I told my host family I like to wake up early (which is true) and told them I usually wake up at six (which is not true, but I said it because I felt bad that I overslept the first morning). They were very impressed, as my host dad wakes up at 5 every morning and there is a reputation of Americans always sleeping and sleeping late. Now, when he introduces me to pretty much anyone, the things he tells them are: she’s lived in the village so she has no problem and she wakes up at six every morning so that is the best thing about her.
So now, I wake up at six every morning. But we don’t eat dinner until 9:30 so I don’t usually extract myself until 11:30 so I don’t usually go to sleep until 12:30 so I am a bit exhausted. Which means that I’m having trouble putting this first week of experience into one, congruent, thought so will instead just give you excerpts of what I’ve written when I’ve been able to catch a moment.
Written 12 September 2013
I love this time of day. I walk out onto the terrace and I can hear the workings of families all around me. Children yelling, laughing, playing. Pots banging around kitchens and chatter between generations. And the smell. Sweet and spicy and strong. So many meals about to be shared. It is all so alive.
The sights, the smells, the sounds. All have their place and all have their beauty.
This place makes me want to write so much.
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I could second guess myself all the time. I could be wrapped in insecurity. But I think when we’re laughing and sharing and being ourselves, it is okay.
Rest easy, it’s only been 3 days and we’re already making fun of my dancing. Give it all time.
And this time is so wonderful and precious. So take it and hold it, and smile because you’re here.
I’m going to have a life here.
Written 13 September 2013
I must remember that I am only in control of my actions and my relationships. I am present. I am here. I will work hard to foster mutual respect and learning. I am only in control of I.
I am only in control of I. And when I remember that, when I work hard, when I stick with it, we laugh and we connect. But it takes work.
I am only in control of I.
Written 14 September 2013
I love the sitting moments. The times when you feel like you’re learning just by staying in place, observing and being present.
And sometimes you need to just take some time. Breathe in, breathe out. Drink a Diet Coke you spent way too much on and sit on the terrace and relax for a minute. Take care of yourself as you know how. Look up at the sky and be reminded of the overwhelming but wonderful feeling that this place is so beautiful and you are in it
Because most of the time I can’t wrap my head around it. I’m here. And I’ll be here for 6 more months. I’m going to create a life here. I have the crazy, wonderful, insane opportunity to create a life here. And that must always be my mindset.
And I want to take that seriously. Not in a way where there isn’t joy and laughter and dancing but in a way in which there is. I am holding precious relationships and experiences in my hand s and it’s up to me not to waste them.
This is not just a trip or a break from school. I see this as a part of my life and being, just as everything else. And that means I must strive to be the best person I can be here, just as anywhere else.
Written 15 September 2013
I am reminded always that I still have so much to learn.
I can feel my brain thinking in French.
I just want to write it all down. Soon, soon. If my eyelids had strength to keep open, I would make lists for miles. There is so much I want to say.
callie daniels-howell 