The following reflections were written over the past few days while I was enjoying the morning light by the lake at my family’s cottage in Northern Michigan and gathering my thoughts as my departure date for Sénégal (September 8) draws nearer. The compilation paints a pretty accurate account of where I am right now: a little scattered, maybe, but sure.
Written 30 August 2013, 9 days remaining
I’m ready. Put me on the plane, get me there.
I’m excited for the new-ness. I’m excited for the humbling uncertainty and confusion. I’m excited for the adventure of being lost and slowly learning the way. I’m excited to form those first home feelings in a new place, whenever they may come. I’m excited to be challenged and feel the at-times uncomfortable but mostly-fulfilling feelings of growth. I’m excited to explore, excited to be forced every day to reach beyond my limits through the simple act of living there.
I’m ready. Put me on the plane, get me there.
Written 31 August 2013, 8 days remaining
Kenya is home to me and I’m sure that while I am in Sénégal I will miss Kenya, just as when I am in the United States, I miss Kenya.
But the experiences are not the same. They are not that different, either. Both are on my path. Because of that, both are a part of me. I’m learning that it’s okay and a good thing to hold and to love both places. There’s so much love that goes into shaping one’s self as these places have and will.
Maybe Sénégal will not become such a place of significance for me as Kenya has. Maybe it will.
I strive to live in Sénégal with the remembrance that it and Kenya are different countries within different contexts, with different histories, customs, cultural codes, and personalities. But that doesn’t mean I should deny the lessons I’ve learned along my path.
There are ways I can maintain such remembrance without denial. There are questions I must ask myself and decisions I must make.
- Do I take with me this journal, already over halfway filled with notes and reflections from my last experience in Kenya, my sophomore year of college, preparations for Sénégal.
- When do I take off my beaded Kenya bracelet that has not left my wrist since I put it on in the market 14 months ago? Because I know I must. But where do I put it once it is taken off?
- Keep comparisons to a minimal while also acknowledging my being anywhere will always be influenced by Kenya.
- Approach everything new in Sénégal as something I have never done before. Because I haven’t.
Written 1 September 2013, 7 days remaining
I love quiet.
I fret, and busy, freak out and make endless to-do lists. I have been known to become a blur of anxiety and perfectionism.
But I think all of that is done with the goal of reaching silence, stillness.
I think I’m going to have to work on that on my upcoming adventure.
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I’m not so worried about missing the United States. More about missing the quiet. But even that, almost more so than all else, can be created anywhere. And realizing that gives me total calm when I think about leaving for a little while.
I just feel this overwhelming confidence that this will be good. And to have that, without knowing at all really what ‘it’ will be, shows me that over the past couple years I’ve learned how to find good in all. And that I’ve grown in my faith in the presence of goodness.
Written 2 September 2013, 6 days remaining
Maybe I might miss the coziness that comes with chilly fall days. Maybe I might miss the crisp stillness after a Kalamazoo blizzard.
But maybe after the first months of upper 80s and heavy humidity, the Sénégalese ‘winter’ months of dry 70s will start to feel like snow on my skin.
We are ever adaptable.
callie daniels-howell 